I'm such an idiot.

Thanks for helping me realise that at the end of the day, all I am is a big, fat, lifeless, emotionless, disposable, piece of nothing.

I am such a goddamn fucking stupid idiot.

cryptic post - i don't care.

The blue pill or the red pill.

it's been bugging me for sometime now. Like an itch in the corner of my mind I can't reach to scratch.

i wished i was as certain as neo when he chose the red one in less than 5 minutes. then again, he grew up knowing that the red pill was his chosen path. He knew that the blue pill was NOT it. No need for grandfather stories. No need for further encouragement. No need for insurance salesmen con/scare tactics. He Just Knew it in his Gut to take the red pill.

I just need to know WHAT is MY bloody red pill.

But that's not for anyone to tell me. It's for me to know it in my gut.

_looks down_

*silence*

*grasshoppercrickets chirping loudly in background*

..... stupid gut's no help at the moment.

maybe it will come with a little more time.

sigh.